Tiger Mom

286 days until I am 60!

I've been reading a lot about the “Tiger Mom” and reaction to her essay, which includes an impassioned defense by a daughter and, unfortunately, death threats to the mother. I am somewhere between the two. I can't help but wonder if tiger mom has considered that refusing to allow detainees to use the bathroom is considered torture. And while I see similarities between “Mommie Dearest” and tiger mom, the big difference is that tiger mom obviously loves her daughters. I suggest that is the reason the daughter defends her mom. Children can get past all the parental mistakes if they know they are loved.

I truly believe this woman is guilty of both physical and mental abuse. The kicker is, that I believe that people who parent to the opposite extreme are also abusive. Giving a child too much freedom teaches them extreme self indulgence. In the real world those kids will find themselves at the bottom of society with no tools to help themselves rise. Every child will strive to meet expectations. Expect nothing and the child will believe he is capable of nothing.

In Georgia, students don't necessarily receive “diplomas” at graduation, they can also receive “certificates of attendance” meaning they showed up but couldn't quite manage to pass the state required tests. My son is ADHD, (one test measured his attention span at 10 seconds) has test anxiety, and a “visual perceptual motor integration deficiency” (what that actually means is that he is better at speaking than writing.) I once told my son that his LD was a brick wall. That he could go over it, under it, around it or through it, but I that expected him to find a way to “finish” on the other side.

When Bennie was getting ready to graduate a teacher asked him “When so many of your peers either quit school or accepted a certificate of attendance, why do you think you hung in there and are getting a diploma?”

The teacher called me to tell me that she had really wanted to understand his motivation so as to work and motivate other students. She laughed when she repeated his answer: “Well, my mom said it was graduate or be buried in the front yard, and I wasn't sure if she was serious or not”.

Expectations-me and tiger mom both have them, I simply chose to use humor rather than humiliation.

The final truth of which of us did better will probably not be easily proved for another 30 or 40 years.

I am certain that if financial success is the only criteria for judgment, that her daughters will probably beat out my son....but Bennie is 32, happily married, self confident, willing to express his own ideas, capable of making his own decisions, and is (in my humble opinion) a fantastic parent.

All in all, tiger mom probably raised exactly the child she wanted-but then-so did I.

398 Forecloure Notices in the Newspaper

I am a real estate agent. Yesterday, the Cherokee Tribune headline read “Year begins with 398 foreclosure notices” (more than last January). I did a little research and a little math-- that works out to 1 foreclosure notice for every 200 homes!  

History shows us that real estate has lead the way out of every depression and recession we have had for the last 100 years. And friends, real estate is leading in the wrong direction!

What makes it worse is that we are no longer looking at foreclosures on loans that were risky to begin with, and more and more people are choosing to walk away!

I am finding that most people really don’t understand the terminology being used. I think most people understand ARMs, and LIBORs but how many know what “shadow inventory” is or what a “strategic foreclosure” means.

First let me explain what “shadow inventory” is: this is the number of homes that are already owned by banks, but not yet on the market, plus the number of homes that are at least 90 days in arrears (stats show that virtually all of these will end up in foreclosure or short sale), plus 95% of those 60 days in arrears plus 70% of those 30 days in arrears.  What this means is that in the coming months, there could easily be another 7 million homes on the market. That’s easily a 3 year supply! The law of supply and demand says that when there is huge supply-prices go down.

I am sure most of you have that eyes glaze over look already. But I truly believe that we can’t change what we don’t understand.

Strategic foreclosure has been around in the business world for many years. It has now moved into the “home market”. A “Strategic foreclosure” is one in which the property owner has the ability to pay, but has decided to walk away.

Let’s say you owe $160,000 on your home. Let’s say values have dropped to the point that your home is now worth $105,000. You can live there and continue to make your payment or you can deposit your payment in savings, and live rent and mortgage free for a year or more until the bank does indeed foreclose. In my neighborhood there is a home that was foreclosed on in November of 2008. The former owners still live there. (This is the only case I know of that the bank has allowed the homeowner to stay so long, but banks do NOT want empty houses open to vandalism.) With a payment that was $1000 per month (I am estimating that very low) they could have saved $26,000. Now they can take that $26,000 and put it down on a similar house-(they will need special financing, but trust me, it can be had) and have a mortgage of $80,000!  In the mean time, that foreclosure has driven the value of all the neighborhood homes to a new low.

I think everyone has heard of loan modifications and short sales. I have to be honest, between Private Mortgage Insurance, and government guarantees and insurance; I believe often banks make more money foreclosing rather than doing loan mods, or short sales. Of course every banker will argue with me on this and ask where my proof is. I don’t have a lot; I can only point to One West. Should my reader want to have his or her blood pressure sky rocket, please google “indimac one west FDIC”. To be fair…read the banks and FDIC’s answers.

I don’t have a fix for this problem. I will say that I am pushing my kids to buy, and if I had the money, I would be buying properties myself.

2010- A year in review.

It has been a wonderful terrible year. I rather think it’s that way every year for most of us.

Ellie was born this year. She is m fifth grandchild. But since Lise-me and her four kids all live in Wisconsin, Ellie is the first grand baby I get to see on a weekly basis. Madi –who is #1 granddaughter, came and spent time with us this summer. She’s much more fun as a teen than any of our kids were….

Ben retired this year- though the jury is still out on whether that is good or bad. Some days I get nothing done!

I discovered microfiber cleaning cloths this year- you can even clean windows with them-no more paper towels!

 I left the Clay Team (real estate) this year. The jury is still out on that too. I have been in the industry for almost 7 years now (I sold real estate I the 1980’s also but left to raise my family) I am now lead agent for the Home Team- so if you know anyone who is looking to buy o sell a property…please give them my number, or give me theirs!

Right now, homes are selling for about 2001 prices in the Atlanta area. I am constantly amazed  at people who think that their house is different so will sell for 2006 prices, and at people who think they will buy a house for 1990 prices.

At my house, the last week of December is usually busy-- Son in law, Josh, has a birthday, as does daughter, Jessica. This year they will get cakes late. Though I believe they got them late last year too. Then it’s News Year’s Eve and New Years Day. I totaled my car this week, but was uninjured….just a few bruises. I decided that it is better to end a year with a crash rather than begin a year with one!

I am resolving that 2011 will be a great year for all of us!

304 days until I am 60